Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

I have been looking for a way to help with understanding intimacy avoidance. It has taken a toll on my marriage, relationships, and how I view myself. This book has been wonderful and very helpful. Dr. Carnes is amazing.The book was not damaged though I could tell it was not brand new. I would say it is in very good condition and arrived in a timely manner.10/10 will recommend!

Avoidance can be the opposite of addiction when you don't learn to relate to people in a satisfying way. Understanding your habits helps break them.

I really like this book. It is written with the twelve steps of alcoholism in mind. The book is about restructuring your sexuality so that you feel comfortable having sex again. I really like that it speaks out against the church. As a Christian I did not know that sexual abuse existed as long as the church has existed. I learned two things from the book that helped stop me from feeling shame and therefore stop being a sexual bulimic: 1) sex is inseparable from love and 2) despite that sex is a need not a want.It tells about the difference between sexual anorexia, sexual bulimia, and sex addiction. The obsession found in all three however is the same and the book explains it. I found out after reading that the sex addiction I developed is a normal consequence of sexual anorexia (which is based on shame).An important thing to note is that while sex is seen here as a problem in the church, that is, the shame anyway. The book tells us that submitting to a higher power (the Lord Jesus Christ) is the only way to overcome sexual anorexia. So be prepared to be surprised.I was completely changed by this book. Recommended for everyone whether or not you are a sexual anorexic. Also always remember Christians, masturbation is ok to do and not to do. No shame!

I have this book and bought it online ten years ago, according to the little flag that just appeared over my amazon page. I completely forgot that, and bought it again in Scottsdale, AZ where I had the great honor of attending Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings. Ok, ok. Now you know waaay too much about me. Anyway, the thing about Scottsdale is that the Meadows is just up the road in Wickenberg, AZ and while I did not go there myself many people in the area have. Ok! so sexual healing is a big deal and there are supportive meetings available - at least there in AZ. Patrick Carnes was at the Meadows and there is a healing workshop they do there.This book helps to open up a kind of dark secret for many people and once you do open that door, well - hopefully it will stay open and you too can make the transition back into good and healthy relationships. It all comes down to loving ourselves of course, and starting from there. If we come from a place of truly loving ourselves, then relationships with others improve as well. That sounds like Codependence Anonymous, also founded and popular in Phoenix. Maybe you should move there for your recovery, or start your own group!

I purchased this book in hopes that it would help a friend of mine through her troubles, as she was abused in childhood and as a result she's unable to have a physical relationship with anyone.This book seemed nice, but upon flipping through it I realized that it assumes that the reader is a man or woman in a relationship that is already having sex & doesn't find joy in it. That doesn't help my best friend, since she's NOT in a relationship with anyone and would feel left out by the book. The book wouldn't be any help for her, and ended up being a waste of my money. Why would I give her a book that isn't going to help her? Still, it did make some nice points but again... the fact that the writers are assuming that they are speaking to married or partnered men/women really alienates a large chunk of people.EDIT:Seriously, I ended up showing her the book & she herself echoed my own thoughts. It wasn't helpful to her. All of the exercises & suggestions were for couples. While the book looked like it would be helpful for her in some ways, the book only focused on couples. It's not helpful to a person who is going this "alone". Vote me down if you want, but this book needs to state that it is for COUPLES, not singles who are dealing with this problem.

I am currently a substance abuse counselor student and have discovered that sexual addiction and other intimacy problems play a big role. After watching an educational video on sexual anorexia I looked for more written information. I talked with colleagues and reviewed a couple cases realizing that this information would be helpful. There is actually very little out there. There is also someone that I know personally that has been dealing with some of these issues. Carnes is a pioneer in this area and present some very compelling and useful information. Substance abuse is a complex issue. Once you remove the substances you are often left with coexisiting behaviors and issues that need to be addressed as well. This book was well written with compelling information. I highly recommend it.

This book was recommended by my counselor. This is very well written, easy to read, helps to understand yourself or others with childhood trauma and the checklist, diagrams, and workbook will get you to where you want to be.

For people facing sexual/love addiction or anotexia - their partners, families and also for the professionals wanting to understand how this addiction works - the similarities and the basic differences between other addictions. This is a very complex disease that grows exponentially and is, unfortunately, least understood by professionals as well as the general public.Very helpful in making me understand how it works and, most importantly, separating the disease from the person. The real down side of this disease is how it affects the partners and the families, while destroying the addict.I also recommend 'Don't Call it Love' by the same author.

I really appreciated this book. I felt like Patrick fully accepted me whatever my sexual/non-sexual life may be/have been. I found this book a bit too much at first but I think that that was the extent of my sexual anorexia and how taboo sex has been made in most cultures. I even thought that this book was valuable for people with all addictions as it explained the binge/purge cycle that can happen in regards to sexual addiction and sexual anorexia but also how we can be restricting ourselves sexually and compensating by binging on say eating/alcohol etc for example. So at a glance sexual anorexia may not look like a huge issue but maybe you're someone who has a drug/alcohol/eating/work/gambling/ocd etc etc etc addiction that you wont be able to solve until you address what those addictions are covering up, like issues in all areas of relationships romantic or otherwise.I loved the section about writing down/sharing with our sexual partners about what we desire sexually and giving feedback to each other rather than not speaking up about disliking certain sexual acts or wanting to try different things.A lot of the resources I've found on my sexual healing journey have felt a little bit anorexia still and I really appreciated the freedom I felt with this book, I didn't feel like the author had baggage that he was dumping on me at all.I also loved the section that touched on stories of couples and their background stories from childhood and where I believe this stuff originates.I like that this book spoke about being sexually addictive and anorexic as that is my story.Personally my sexual healing goes on, I wouldn't say that I'm cured, it took years to develop this shame and discomfort and comfort blanket and it hasn't gone away over night but I today I feel I can recognise shameful and addictive feelings and reprogram myself with love and compassion.If I've felt shame I've loved myself through that, and if I've had some sexual fantasy come in that has felt abusive or far fetched and addictive I've loved myself through that too, maybe even laughed and then carried on with my day. I don't think that we need to shame ourselves for anything ever and I think that eventually we may find that we can do things sexually that maybe once felt wrong or unhealthy if we learn to come from a place of love and boundaries. I really hope that this book helps you too and that you find healing.

Patrick Carnes saved my life from sexual anorexic addiction with this important book. Try it yourself! It actually works, together with the slaa 12 step programme.

Great

Found this book very interesting & full of helpful information

Excellent